Home Run Life – 2nd Base!


“I love mankind, it is people I can’t stand.” Linus, Peanuts

 

Have you ever heard the tongue and check statements like “People Suck!,” “Life would be better with fewer people,” “I’d love my job if it weren’t for people,” I want to go somewhere that doesn’t have people.” Yet if you do a google search what turns up:

  • “Winning Others Over,”
  • “How to win managing people,”
  • “How to make connections with others,”
  • 25 ways to this, 6 ways to that, top 10 lists,
  • Tweets, blogs, books, workshops

and so on there are infinite enter i.e. show that all have one thing in common “PEOPLE!”

 

What are some of your best moments? For me it was doing:

  • 4-H, walking again,
  • graduating with my bachelors,
  • having my niece and nephew born,
  • my wedding,
  • opening my business,
  • finding my passion and purpose in life,
  • running again and doing multiple half-marathons without chronic pain,
  • interning at John Hopkins Hospital,
  • graduating from grad school,
  • and all of the memories I create with family and friends.

What have you gone through that carries disappointment or sorrow? For me it was:

  • being in a hospital bed for a year,
  • being sexually assaulted at a party,
  • having an eating disorder,
  • being physically and emotionally abused by a loved one,
  • losing my first job,
  • struggles in my marriage,
  • the death of grandparents and friends,
  • and watching my parents deteriorate before my eyes,
  • betrayal,
  • employees that abandon clients and the philosophy I live by.

What is one thing all of these items have in common? PEOPLE! Life’s worst of times and best of times, however, life involves people and the beautiful messy encounters, and that’s why the second base is a part of the game. You know I wouldn’t change any of it because the mess allows me to reconstruct and grow and the best of times allows me to enjoy the sweetness of life. Either way the dice rolls I live in gratitude for all of it.

 

People are our base of our community. Unless you can tell me how this whole Earth and Universe was made beautiful, powerful, healing and alive with everything we need- you have to believe in God or a higher power whatever that is for you. We are imperfect beautifully perfect beings all working on issues, all hurt in some way, all perfect, and the set of unique gifts that we need to thrive. It is how we deal with them that determines our success or sorrow. It first begins at home plate our relationship with spirit. Once we are connected to that and develop our character we move onto the second base where the key is an attitude of humility and willingness to change and grow. We either have healthy or unhealthy relationships. So how do you intentionally build healthy ones?

 

Second base is where we get to put into practice everything we’ve learned at home plate. The beauty is that it is not for our gain, but we do it for others. Why is this so important? Caring about others, pursuing healthy relationships, being more loving and giving, even forgiveness are all part of being successful at second base. Maybe we could change our attitude from “people suck” to “without people, what kind of life would it be?” Boring that is for sure!

 

“Winning at second base begins with admitting that we are all imperfect people who have some emotional wounds that need to be healed.” – Kevin Myers

 

Those of you who follow my work know that I’m a big fan of non-violent communication (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg. Well, one of my favorite yogi’s wrote a book called What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication by Judith Hanson Laster and Ike Laster. She talks about listening to ourselves and others. She uses an example of how to hear yourself in a new way, and that is to understand whatever someone else says to you as a request. So you can translate whatever somebody says to you as a “please” or “thank you.” Here is an example Judith shares in her book and I know I have done this and you probably have too. Have you ever not timed the light exactly right and you end up in the cross walk. Has someone who is using the cross walk ever looked at you in disgust or yelled “stupid driver.” Then you beat yourself up with inner dialogue filled with judgments and shame or maybe you thought that the individual in the cross walk was being rude and blame them. Instead, if you translate that into “please hear my fear” “please understand I was afraid you might hit someone.” Do you feel compassion arise for him and yourself? Next time someone says something that irritates you translate it into a “please” or “thank you” even better you may go back to someone the next day and say “What I meant to say the other day is…..Please hear…..” Note their response and how you feel in your body and mind. You can determine which way leaves you feeling empowered and empathic.

 

When I first heard the phrase “hurting people hurt people” in my mid-twenties I realized that I had been hurting people do to childhood traumas that I suffered. I learned to look at the flip side of the coin and that without addressing my issues I could not expect to have healthy relationships with others. So I started on a path of introspection, self-study, and to make a conscious choice of the person I wanted to become. Have you ever seen a family where the parents are very successful, yet the kids are not? The parent’s greed and pride, which they passed onto their children created broken relationships. This elephant in the room continues to stay affecting for years until the elephant is talked about such as the greed and pride that was causing so much pain and until that energy is willing to shift to putting each other first, the family cannot heal. The good news is that, although our brokenness may create havoc in our relationships, we are given space and time actually to heal. Time only heals when we spend time healing. When we don’t, it’s the elephant that does all the growing instead of us. I know to write a shitty rough draft in my journal where I sit across the table from them and then write a letter of nonviolent communication after I have given myself self-empathy and I can sit next to the person.

 

How does the phrase “hurting people hurt people” affect you when you first heard it? Why do you think it affected you that way?

 

What are some of your past wounds that time has not healed? Do you think they could heal if you started taking steps to improve them? What might that look like?

 

How can the encouragement of being united in a community of love, kindness, and empathy help you to show love to others? In what ways can you show that love?

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,