Forgiveness Meditation Technique Personal Practice Journal

The meditations that I chose to use were: Jack Kornfield Forgiveness Meditation (Produced by sounds true practices, 7:30 minutes in length, I practiced this one on Monday and Wednesday) and The Beginners Guide to Forgiveness: How to Free your Heart and Awaken Compassion by Jack Kornfield (Produced by sounds true practices, 48 minutes long (but the meditation portion was about 29 minutes at the end) and I practiced this one on the other days of the week).  It was interesting because at first I could not even hear the words, as it was too painful; then slowly I started to hear certain words.

What I learned about myself is that it is easier for me to forgive others than to forgive myself. Jack’s words “There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself. I have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly or unknowingly. For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain and confusion, I now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself; I forgive myself.” These words are very hard for me to embody at this moment in my life. I realized how much I am harming myself and have stuffed down over the years by not forgiving myself. I understand that I am in charge of how much suffering that I want to endure. I also know that I am suffering because of choices I have made. Since I have this belief system, ultimately, anything that has caused me suffering has been at my hand not someone else’s; therefore, I have struggled to forgive myself. I need to start to look at these choices as opportunities of growth, learn what I need to and move on.

The last four years I have worked on meditation using magnified healing with Kwan Yin, which has some of these benefits: heal past negative karma, compassion, forgiveness of others, align the spiritual centers, and explain the light channels and self-love. Kwan Yin is the Goddess of Mercy and Compassion and serves us much in the same way as Mother Mary.  This practice with Jack Kornfield leaves me wondering if I have not forgiven myself, have I forgiven others as I had thought. I have always believed when I forgive others that have harmed me through word, action, or deed I have given myself a gift. It does not mean that what they did was right or that they deserved the forgiveness it means that I acknowledge the hurt and let it go so that I suffered less. I know that I am ready to do this when I can sit down beside the person rather than wanting to sit across from the person. If I am having a hard time getting to this point and know that a new boundary needs to be set in the relationship, I write the person a letter telling them how I felt. What I needed, that I forgive them, and this is my new boundary that I respectively wish they follow moving forward.

A book that I like about forgiveness is Forgive for Good by Dr. Fred Luskin.  In his book, he talks about the HEAL method: H is for Hope, E is for Educate, A is for Affirm, and L is for Long-Term Commitments.  We need to forgive ourselves because it is a lot to carry in our body. Would we show up to the beach dressed in our snow-ski outfit? Not forgiving ourselves is the same thing. Recently during a reflective asana practice, it was suggested to me to start small with forgiving myself for little things so that I could learn how to forgive myself for big things. I am currently in a season of change with a broken heart that is so obvious to everyone around me that even my tongue tells a story of a broken heart in my body. The grief is so intense! Right now I feel like I am hanging by my fingertips straddling a great divide unable to let go to jump to the other side because I am not feeling supported in my basic survival needs (shelter, clothing, food, and transportation). Once I feel as though my basic survival needs are being met, then I will be able to foster support and let go. My current mantra is “When I allow universal love to help me I can let go and grow.”

I have a long way to go on a journey toward the forgiveness of me. I suppose along this journey I will come to redefine what it feels like to forgive someone else as well as myself. I will start small and build over time. I think Viktor Frankl‘s quote from his book Man’s Search for Meaning sums it up “Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.” As I rent less space in mind to the things that have caused me, harm through thought, word or deed and move on, I will be able to open my heart more.

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